either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone shattered a urinal.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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