how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's get the cat blown out
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
