I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize