Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it hurts more in the daytime
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
