She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
