Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
