guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
as a side note pls kill me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
