you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
