My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
