she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
