Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
