The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Houston, we have a squirter
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
