I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
