if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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