Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
