Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
