Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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