There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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