An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
