Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
