Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
