Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize