Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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