Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
