From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
