I will die if light touches me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
