Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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