That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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