i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
