I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize