But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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