You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
