We won't sleep together?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
