yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
