____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
