I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
