please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
