at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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