I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
