I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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