he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
