just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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