Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
