GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
