tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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