in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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