That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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