The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Slut skills are useful in every country.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
