I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
