This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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