textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
