Your mouth is God's brothel.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
