Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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