Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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