that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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