I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
