Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
