im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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