already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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