I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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