your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
