How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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