Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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