my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
