Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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