I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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