12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I sprained my soul last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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