got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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