1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
