I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
