Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
