I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
