pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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