Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
