If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
